Thursday, August 31, 2006

A Camping we will go...

OK, well technically it's not camping since we're staying in a cabin and it has a full kitchen and bedrooms. It's as close to camping as I really like to get. I'm not a good camper. My dh on the other hand could happily sleep in a sleeping bag under the stars surrounded by bears. One time he even slept on a baseball diamond surrounded by sprinklers but that's a story for another time. I said if we got one of those tent trailers I might consider camping again. I don't like being on the ground, it's too close to the bugs. I don't like bugs, especially spiders.

I really did try to like it. I even bought dh a nice tent for Father's Day one year and off we went camping a few times. The last time we went we ended up at the same campground as his boss (and considering we were living in Calgary at the time and camping in Salmon Arm that is very odd), I was pregnant with child #2, the wasps were swarming and we had to put pop cans out in strategic places to lure them away, #1 child fell in the fire pit and gashed his head on the metal ring they surround them with and somehow we didn't have our tent but dh's dad smaller, smellier tent. Add to that the bladder that #2 child was sitting on and me having to crawl out of the tent a million times a night and well it wasn't fun. So our tent was relegated to the backyard and campouts between the kids and dh and I could stay safe and sound indoors with plumbing and, hopefully, no bugs.

We have been wanting a little mini vacation for our family but didn't want to go far because travelling with three small kids on a long weekend is never good for anyone, least of all me! We decided on Cultus Lake and have rented a cabin there. It looks to be a cute little place and it is right across from the beach and not far up the street is a playground. The kids will love it and I don't have to try to figure out how to get the baby to sleep in a tent with the other two kids. They can go to sleep at their usual times in a room of their own and we can stay up and not worry about it. Plus there's a bathroom right there and I won't have to crawl out of a tent on my hands and knees, frantically searching for my glasses and shoes just to stumble off to the communal bathroom with one of the kids in the middle of the night.

I'm not really a princess or even a girly, girl but when it comes to anything where I have to be that close to bugs and nature (or sharing a bathroom, or worse a stinky outhouse, with hundreds of others) I'd rather do it comfortably. Or preferrably not at all. The one time in my life that I am a princess about things is on vacations. I'd really rather go to a nice hotel, particularly one with a swim up pool bar and lots of sunshine. I don't mind trudging around doing stuff but I want to come back to sleep in comfort and, frankly, pee in private.

With this cottage this weekend there's a full kitchen and a bbq so I'm planning some yummy meals like Grilled Balsamic Chicken salad, Grilled Italian Polenta with fresh tomatoes and Steak with Soy Lime Marinade. I'm saving the last one to serve on Sunday when we have some friends coming to join us (if you are reading this I changed my mind and I might do it again but that's where it is right now! LOL). Yes, I can cook these things at home but somehow it sounds much more exciting when you make them in a cottage by a lake.

Hope you all have a great long weekend!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Bball, strawberries and Mike

#1 child is at basketball camp this week. I thought he would be scared since he doesn't know anyone but he bounded in and just set to playing basketball (which he's never really played before except messing around with Daddy). It turns out he does have a friend there that he knows but since he arrived after #1 child already entered the gym we didn't know that at the time. Therefore I was proud that my child is so secure in himself that he had no problems trying something new, something where I would not be with him. He's really just that kind of kid. When he started a new school this past June with only two months left of the school year (this is a three month on, one off school) he stood there that morning with no fear showing on his face while the teacher let the students in to meet him. Now starting at school that far in to the school year when friendships are already formed is tough but even though I think he was a bit scared inside he just went about making friends. Just a few weeks later he had his birthday party and every person he invited from his class came. He makes friends easily, my big guy, and that makes me happy. It's amazing to see him growing up before my very eyes, hard to believe he was once as little as #3 child - it's going so fast. Since #1 child is the one I'm learning everything with I can only pray I'm doing it right, or as right as I can.

So at the end of each day at basketball camp they give out candy to the kids (yeah, not really my idea of a good thing but hey it obviously works for them) and #1 child always makes sure to get a piece of candy for #2 child. She does it for him to when she gets something and he's not there, it's very sweet how much they love each other. Anyway, #2 puts the candy in her mouth, she's very excited and says...

"It's strawberry. I love strawberries....and Mike."

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Saying Goodbye

This weekend I have to say goodbye to a friend. It's not goodbye forever, nor is she going very far but she is moving on in her life journey and that's big. It's big for her and it's big for her very close long-time friends who are sad to see her go but excited for her at the same time. Although we haven't been friends for a long-time and I'm not as close to her as those previously mentioned we have made a connection over the last year or so. We don't go out and party, or even go for coffee on a regular basis, in fact we often only see each other at Church, but I am so glad she is in my life. We go out for lunch once in a while, she & L came to visit me when the baby was born, we talk about music and even though we have different tastes in music it's ok. I think my oldest son has a crush on her, just as my daughter has a crush on the cupcake man and the baby is lovin' H's friend L.

H is a truly talented individual with a strong love for the Lord and a passion for where her life is leading her. Unlike me she is capable of keeping her emotions in check and letting them out in private. However, as I watched her running Kid's Camp over this last week (and may I say she did an absolutely amazing job and I'm very proud of her!) I saw a bit of doubt creep in to her eyes as she faces leaving a place of security where she has belonged for so very long. This is home to her, this is where she knows who she is and what she needs to do, it is safe. Safe is hard to leave but sometimes we need to step out of the boat and she is doing that even though it is scary. Again, I say how very proud I am of her. I feel like a big sister and in a way I want to protect her and yet I also know she doesn't need it.

I know I will hear about H's new journey through her blog, through L and through email and I also know she will be just great in her new role as Worship Leader (in charge of everything - woohoo you go girl!) but I will miss her. I will miss seeing her up on stage, hearing her joy of the Lord coming through in her voice and performance and basically it will just be weird not seeing her every week. Considering that is how this is affecting me, I know it is affecting L and her other friends even more. That is the kind of person she is - she has touched so many lives and we are all richer for it.

I heard this song the other day and it seems to fit:

Through the back window of a '59 wagon
I watched my best friend Jamie slippin' further away
I kept on waving 'till I couldn't see her
And through my tears, I asked again why we couldn't stay
Mama whispered softly, Time will ease your pain
Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same

And she said, How can I help you to say goodbye?
It's OK to hurt, and it's OK to cry
Come, let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye?

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

The Stanley Cup - it's part of my history

I love hockey. Absolutely love it. Now, that doesn't mean I know all the stats of all the players and who does what, etc. I know the big names and the general layout and all that but I basically just love watching hockey and I love playing hockey. Always have. I love my Canucks too. Yes, I know they aren't always good but they aren't always bad either and no matter what I stand behind them.

Hockey is in my blood. My maternal grandfather (my Papa), Leroy "Goldy" Goldsworthy, was in the NHL for a long time and he played in 360 games. His name is on the Stanley Cup:I've tried to highlight on the picture (no, not the actual one only the scan, no worries!) where his name is. This was when he played for the Chicago Blackhawks and it was in the 1934 season. His name is engraved on the third band that is apparently now retired to the Hockey Hall of Fame (otherwise the cup would get too big).

Papa played for many other teams including the New York Rangers, the Canadiens, Boston Bruins and the New York Americans. He also coached and was the first coach of the Texans hockey team which introduced Dallas to hockey in 1941. He also played pro ball and golf. He was the most amazing man I ever knew and the day he passed away was one of the hardest in my life. He died quite a long time ago but to me he will always be a great man and not because he played pro sports for 42 years consecultively or because he's in the Edmonton Sports Hall of Fame or even because he's on the Stanley Cup. My Papa was a great man because of the way he treated me and how special he always made me feel (and I'm sure the rest of his grandchildren feel the same).

Today my children and husband, along with a good friend of ours, went to visit the Stanley Cup. Andrew Ladd of the Carolina Hurricanes is from Maple Ridge so he brought the cup home for 24 hours. My family stood in line for 2 1/2 hours to see the cup for all of 30 seconds but my dh got to touch it and he is a happy man. Here is their photo (note to dh - young children and 2 1/2 hours in line don't go hand in hand so therefore they are not happy, although you can see he is!):
Here is Andrew Ladd with the cup:

Shortly we will begin a new hockey season. There have been big changes at the Canucks yet again so who knows what will happen this year but I know that we will be watching and you never know this just might be our year. We would be in Heaven if the Canucks won in 2007 (ok, it's hokey but I couldn't think of anything else that rhymed!!).

I'm dedicating this post to my Papa....Thank you Papa! I know you and Nana are together now so I hope you're happy in the great ice rink in the sky. We miss you very much. Love your little sweetheart.

Monday, August 21, 2006

A little sun, a little water, a little red

I left my little baby boy with two trusted friends (ok, yes, it did take me a while to actually leave because he's so darned adorable and i had to keep kissing him but I finally did get out of there)for church and made sure there was dinner for the family while I was gone. Was trying to make life easier for dh while I was away. He hates cooking so I thought I'd give him a hand (plus this negated any reason for him to a) call asking what to feed the kids for dinner or b) take them to the chain run by the man with red hair and big red shoes).

Nic picked me up and off we zoomed on our adventure. We've been friends a long time (wow 26 years!) but we haven't had a lot of time together recently so we just talked and talked and interrupted that only to sing to songs we liked we they came on.

We arrived just in time for our massage. Ahhhhh, that was so great and so needed, the masseusse said my muscles were quite tight (I personally think it's our crappy mattress and so it provided me with yet another reason to go find a new one). After checking in to the hotel and our lovely room we set off for the pools. Swimming in warm water is really so nice and the therapeutic value of the hot springs can't be beat either. We had dinner in the Copper Room which was probably not a great idea since it was a little bit staid for us and a whole lot of cash. Luckily we were smart and ordered the Table D'Hote menu and that combined everything from soup and salad through to dessert for the low price of $35 each (as opposed to the other options where one entree was $35). We had butternut squash soup, some kind of lovely salad with an apple cider vinagrette, salmon with sesame ginger sauce and then white and dark chocolate terrine. Yummy. The very laid back jazz group that was there playing were pretty good if again a bit more for the Lawrence Welk set.

Two martinis later we were back in our room and watching the ending of Bridges of Madison County. Then another movie came on that I didn't want to watch but somehow ended up watching anyway and then had to finish watching even though it seemed rather laughable. It's just like bad books I still need to know the ending. Unless they are truly awful I keep slogging away hoping they will get to the point. It was Interview with a Vampire and I know there are a lot of famous people in it but I don't think it was meant to be funny and yet still I found it very amusing at times and just disturbing at other times. Besides the fact that I'm not a fan of the genre (which is why I shouldn't have watched to begin with), I thought that the acting wasn't especially good even by actors that I have seen do really well in other things. I'm sure I've just dissed a movie that many love but I'm sorry I was even disappointed in the ending and wondered why I really just stayed up til Midnight or whatever it was when Nic was over in her bed sawing logs. After that I was completely wired and couldn't sleep - I really should not watch those kinds of movies they just upset me. That and the fact that I missed my baby a lot and the pumping and dumping just really sucked.

Today we woke up early (6am and after last looking at the clock at 3 am that was too early) started talking for quite a while and then I begged for just a few more hours of sleep. Nic is a morning person, I am a night person, so she went out on the balcony to read. Then I think she came back in a crashed too so we actually didn't get out of our room until right at check-out time at 11am.

After stashing our stuff we went back out to the poolside where we stayed the rest of the day. We had cheeseburgers for breakfast (because they'd already started serving lunch) and then I called my family and had them come up and join us. It was really nice to spend some alone time with my friend and then have my dh and kids join me too (I really needed to nurse the baby but wanted to stay there). They were thrilled to play in the pools and the baby had his first ever swim which he loved since the water was warm.

I wish I was still there but am thankful for what I had. Unfortunately, I spent too much time in the sun today and am a little red because of it. Normally I don't burn so I guess it was too long and too near to water.

In the end it was just a really great trip - great friend, great weather, great water, family fun time. Tomorrow back to reality and 500 kids at Summer Kids Club. Wooohooo!

Friday, August 18, 2006

2 more sleeps

That's what the messages from Nicolette have been every day. Last night it was a phone message where all she said was 3 sleeps. The day before it was an email with 4 sleeps. We're not excited or anything.

What more could two mothers of three want but a night away on their own? Well that'd be this but hopefully it's not too weird that we're having the couples massage.
Although we are not an official "couple" (ROFL) we are a couple of friends who don't get to spend any time together and want to chat while we are being massaged. Or we might not. Who knows. We've been friends for 25 years so we just make these things up as we go along.

I think I've mentioned that we've done this before...gone to Harrison, not the couples massage...but the first time we went is an experience I won't soon forget...While we were in a local watering hole having our martinis a couple of inebriated women came in and thought they would join us. They didn't take our no thank you and sat down anyway. Then as I was up at the bar trying to get away from them one of them decided I was, er, cute. She also decided she was going to dance with me very closely. To say I was completley shocked, freaked out and more was not even close to what I actually felt. When I sat back down she was practically in my lap and telling me how cute I was. Something about my big eyes (frankly I felt like I was little Red Riding Hood and she was the wolf!) and then around there I checked out because she wouldn't back off of my space.

If this was a guy I would probably have handled it better but this was a very drunk and/or drugged (I suspect the latter because of her eyes) woman who could probably hurt me and I was frankly scared. Nicolette very firmly told her to back off (and all props to her this is the toughest I've ever seen Nic get and she was taking care of me because as I said I decided to pretend that all was good with the world - which was very weird since I'm normally the take charge person and she sits back but what are you going to do, weird situation, weird reaction all the way around) and then well the girls got upset. They finally went back to their own table but they were quite pissed (as in mad) and when the waitstaff realized we were not friends (um hello yeah not even close and thanks for the insult) and that these "ladies" were now causing trouble by trying to drink their own beverages (that they had brought in) in the bar they were kindly asked to leave. Well they didn't like that at all and next thing I know they are coming at our table and they sent it flying. I swear it was like some bad cowboy movie and the table overturned and booze and glass went everywhere before they were dragged out by the staff. Scary thing was these women were supposedly out looking for food for their kids which they'd left in their hotel room! Nice, eh?!

Nic and I just sat there in shock. I mean complete and utter shock. None of that had really happened had it? I mean c'mon we were nice girls just trying to take a break from our families not start a brawl in a very quaint pub in Harrison Hot Springs! Here we were sitting in our booth with our table tipped over and covered in carmel apple martinis. The server brought as two more drinks and we cleaned up as best we could but we were so scared to walk back to our hotel because we thought those girls might be laying in wait for us. We made the staff watch us go back across the street and I think we ran all the way.

The next day we went to the lagoon to float on our log (no it wasn't really ours but we claimed it for the day, which was our second mistake of the weekend) and just chill out in general (also getting bitten by some kind of sand flea for which we had no idea until we got out and were on our way home and covered in bites, thanks to "our log"). As we were leaving we see these kids chasing pages of newspapers and we were thinking they were so cute. We were laughing at them and the woman who was also chasing the papers....until she looked up and said "OH MY GOD!" At that point Nic and I hightailed it out of there as if we were being chased (and we're not sure we might have been but we did not stop to look). Yes, it was one of the "ladies" from the night before. Like she had the right to say "OMG". What the heck did we do?!

Ah yes, it was very traumatic but we still go back to Harrison although now we go to a different hotel and we haven't gone back to that pub. It's a bit sad really as prior to that the pub held good memories for me since it's the first place dh and I were after we got engaged (he asked me to marry him when we were in Harrison) and they gave us free shooters. Good times, good times.

I will miss my kids a lot. This is the first time I will ever be away from the baby and it will probably be hard to be away from this sweet face...

and these ones:

Anyway, two more sleeps!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Bow Down Moment

Last weekend our Pastor was talking about bow down moments. I have been thinking on this ever since. It hit me that I had one of these last year and only realized it this week.

When I had my store I was so happy. Going there every day, running it, meeting my staff and my customers, sometimes just standing in it made me very happy. I knew it was what I was meant to do. But then my family started falling apart. Things that were easy before weren't easy any more and the store took more and more of my time. I thought it made me a better mother and I'm sure it did for a time since I was happy to see them after a long day away from them. My hours made it perfect that I could still take my son to and from school and their daycare was just down the way from me. It didn't make me a better wife though, since I really wasn't around to see my dh much. He did come to the store to visit on his way to pick up the kids from his work and I was always happy to see him and proud to tell him how we'd done that day. He supported me 100% but the two of us were both working our butts off and spending too much time apart.

As soon as dh left for his annual several month work stint up in the Queen Charlottes everything started to crumble. The kids got the chicken pox and couldn't go to daycare or school, since we were still new I couldn't afford to have another staff member replace me at the store so my esthetician had to close and lock the doors whenever she had an appointment which meant I lost more customers, it basically was bad whichever way we looked at it. It went on like this for two weeks with me trying to find someone to watch the kids or alternatively mind the store. It just wasn't working, I couldn't tear myself in enough pieces, everyone was losing out and things were just going from bad to worse on many levels.

When dh returned for a brief trip home our house of cards folded. So many things happened and I'm not going to get into it here but the bottom line is I gave up what I thought was my dream. I prayed and cried for days and then cried some more. I thought I was making this huge sacrifice for my family by giving up what I thought was so important to me. I blamed dh for this and probably railed against so much more. I was bitter and sad. However, my children seemed to thrive with me home again and I tried to focus on that.

Dh and I started remembering each other again and slowly my bitterness faded but I still had this thought about what I had given up. We enjoyed time together as a family again and that part of my life seemed good. However bills mounted (it's not cheap to renovate, open and close a store) so we moved to a smaller place, closer to dh's work, and after looking at everything we thought perhaps I should go back to the coporate world to help ease some of the financial burden. I was up for a great job, and it was down to me and another girl in the second interview. I really wanted this job and financially it would be a good th ing for us. The night before this interview I found I was pregnant. Now by rights I should not have been pregnant, we are not young kids and we do know how to take care of things and we had, however, apparently God had other plans. Not only was I pregnant but I was so sick as to have made working outside the home an impossibility.

You see, and here is where I'll get to the point if I haven't lost you by now, all the time I thought I was making a sacrifice I wasn't remembering who made the ultimate sacrifice for me. All the time I thought I was following my dream, I wasn't really listening to anyone else and hearing that my dream wasn't what I thought it should be. From the first moment I "heard" I should close the store I just worked harder to make it "work". I kept ignoring that voice. This was my dream and I would not let it go. BUT I was told to let it go and even after I physically did I mentally hung on. I was told to use that time and build my family back up and focus on that. I did that for a few months and then bang off I go to look for work that will take me away from them again. So if I wasn't listening I guess God decided to use a loudspeaker. "Here I give you another child, whether you planned it or not. I planned it. I commanded you to stay home with your family and you didn't listen and now you will." Yeah, well I'm not quite sure if that is how he talks but that is the jist of what he was saying. Being at home this past year or so has been harder than pretty much anything else I have ever done but both my kids and my dh have been happier (ok, other than when dh was cooking because I was sick - he wasn't happy about that).

I am listening...I bow down.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Smokin the Goats

I'm so wired right now. I want to sleep, I know I should sleep and I even know my body craves sleep yet my brain is wide awake.

We had some friends over for dinner, the first time for which we were here at the same time they were and I didn't make the meal this time...which is rather strange now that I think of it. When they're here and we're not I make them a meal yet when we're all here together we order in. Not too strange actually, I haven't gone grocery shopping and therefore there was precious little to cook. Although that has been the state for a few days and I have managed to come up with some fairly impressive meals out of the emptiness that is our fridge. We were too busy on the weekend to shop and I've been putting it off because we go back to the three kids and Costco or any other grocery store routine and there you have it. However, tomorrow I will have to brave some place for food. I don't know why my days just seem to be whipping by so fast.

Anyway, I had a great time tonight with my friends. We ate good food, read an interesting children's book which we decided was too scary (on many levels) to actually read to any children, let alone mine, listened to music, laughed and talked a lot. Really good, good people (and I'm not just saying that because I know they sometimes read my blog! LOL) and frankly just a really cute couple. My dh is just happy because he got to talk hockey with someone who loves it just as much as he does (maybe more) and he saw me laughing. Dh loves it when I laugh, it makes him happy to see me happy. He's a good man. I have a lot of good people around me and I am so very blessed. Wish I could remember that when my head is doing that negative swirly stuff.

So we didn't really smoke any goats or anything wild and crazy like that. They are an obscure band that I bought a cd of one day when I thought their music was kind of fun and funky. I played it for my friends, they weren't impressed! LOL It really isn't that good but still I think it is fun music. Sometimes music can just be fun. Then we played a song called Woman in Chains by Tears for Fears (yes the ones who did Shout which I don't like but let's move on) which is really an incredible song and Oleta Adams sings on it too and she's got a fantastic voice. Dh called it schmaltzy but then what does he want me to put on but Van Morrison, yeah, um "have I told you lately that I love you" - if that isn't schmaltz I don't know what is. Woman in Chains is not schmaltzy it's not even a love song. OK, so everyone has different tastes in music. Mine is all over the map. I can like a song from a band I don't like for the most part (ie Tears for Fears) and I can dislike songs from bands I do like (U2 has some of these, and actually I think their albums alternate with good and bad). I like country (mostly new country and without twang), I like pop, I like some rock, I like some alternative. For the most part I will admit to liking what I can sing to. I generally dislike dance music and rap but there are exceptions to every rule. When I was younger I wanted to be Olivia Newton John (cmon you know she was hot in Grease). So there you go. My secret's out. I hang my head in shame at the very uncool child that I was. She was just so pretty, had a lovely voice and she also got John Travolta - what more could you ask for?!

Saturday, August 12, 2006

I can't sleep

Well here I sit in silence that almost never surround me in this house. It's almost eerie I must say without the sound of the kids running, chattering or doing whatever it is they do that makes all that noise. However, the fish is noisy. Weird, I know but our goldfish is some gigantic thing (and still growing, soon we will need a new tank, I'm starting to think we have a koi instead of a regular goldfish) that picks up rocks in his tank and drops them. Dh tells me its searching for food but honestly who knew goldfish could be that loud?! Seriously, when there are no other sounds those rocks dropping sound a bit freaky.

I've got just over a week until I take a 24 hour sabbatical from my family and head to Harrison with my best friend. This will be our third year doing this, or maybe our fourth, I don't remember I just know that it's good for us. She has three kids too, all boys. We've been friends for 25 years. When we do these things we take our old music and totally regress and giggle and joke around and just have a great time. I'm making a CD mix for our trip there and I'm trying to find all the old songs we would sing to. That's our thing - we will sing and sing and sing. When we were younger we would tape ourselves on her Dad's reel to reel tape machine (yeah, it was outdated even then but that's what he had and that's what we used cause we thought we were cool). We harmonize quite well together because I can sing high and she can sing low. Singing relaxes us. So will the massages and the cosmopolitans that I'm sure we will have.

Speaking of singing, I was on worship again tonight. I love that so much. Normally I am just filled with the power of God when I sing. I feel so much joy that I can't stop moving. Tonight I was having issues. My problem (as I've said before) is that I totally overthink things and then start stressing out. The more stressed I get the tighter my voice gets and then I just get cranky. I take what should be a joy filled occassion and muck it up. I never used to be like this. I was always confident but then I sang regularly. I have been singing since I was in Kindergarten, in musicals and jazz choirs, etc. Like any instrument you have to use it or lose it (and I don't think singing in the car really counts!). Plus when you aren't feeling sure of yourself you can hear it in your voice, you go flat or sharp or whatever. Not a good thing. As my friend H would say, "it was a gong show".

So here I am at 12:18 with all this stuff just zipping around in my brain and wishing I could have a "do over". Ah well, I think even the fish has gone to sleep and if I don't try to then I will pay for it in the morning when the baby wakes up to nurse. Oh yea, I am a party animal!

Friday, August 11, 2006


I've wanted to write for days and I'll think up an idea and the completely forget what it was 5 minutes later (yes, I should write it down but often I'm feeding the baby when I get the ideas and am no where near a pen). I'm not getting much sleep lately so I feel like I'm in a daze. This lack of sleep is in no way due to the baby (well ok one night was). I am just either wide awake with crazy thoughts running through my head or I'm having nightmares that wake me up. I wish I could just chill out. I'm supposed to have a pedicure tonight so maybe that will help.

On the baby front, he's trying to roll over. I tried to capture that in action but didn't have much luck (and his outfit is a bit too big for him so he has trouble getting his feed going):

He is pretty cute though, don't ya think? :-)

I've entered another writing contest. I don't think they've put my entry up but when they do I will report back. I will not, however, tell you the name I'm writing under as that would be unfair. Each story should be judged on its own merit, not for popularity. Yes, it's a romance so those of you who wonder what the heck that is about I'd like to state that it is one of the top selling forms of writing. It is not easier by any means. Last time I wrote a suspense, which I did find easier to write (probably because I read so much of it) but I'm stuck in the middle of that work in progress and I've decided to leave it until I am inspired. You'd think that all these nightmares would help with that but I have no problem with the suspense part, just all the other parts to hold it together. Can't be one nightmare after another or maybe it could but I really like the HEA so that won't be my book.

I guess I could say I am published now as a short piece I entered in a contest is in a book of shorts that was published earlier this year. I wasn't paid for it so I'm not sure it counts. It was part of a writing contest to win scholarship money for school. I didn't win the scholarship but I did get selected for the publishing thing. That was a great letter to receive. It was for my Mother Sounds piece (I printed that here last Fall sometime).

Only 2 1/2 more hours til my pedicure - yea!

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Out of the mouth of babes

A few weeks back we were coming home from Church and we were asking our kids how they liked Camp Wannabe (that's our Church's name for Sunday school) that day and here was what my son said..."They sure do talk about God a lot at that place". Holding back laughter I say "Yes, they do, does that bother you?" and the reply "Nope, I like God but I just wondered why they are always talking about him there." And of course we had a lovely conversation about that. LOL

Some of the favourite things my daughter says. She loves "hangurbers" from "Donalds" and wants to grow up to be Snow White (although I think that has changed to Cinderella now it's hard to keep track). I know I should correct her on the hangurbers but I just love the way she says it. Of course if she's still saying it when she's 14 I probably won't so I guess I should start.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Something fun

OK, well just because my last two posts have been rather depressing (sorry about that kids, sometimes I let life get to me) I thought I'd do something fun. You know all those getting to know you emails that travel and resurrect themselves over and over? Well I received one today and I'm posting my answers here just for the heck of it:

What is your occupation? Mom/Wife/Chauffeur/Maid - I'll add crazy woman to this list

What color are your socks right now? not wearing any - hate socks!

What are you listening to right now? The sound of my kids running in circles in the basement (waiting for the sound of crying to follow this)

What was the last thing that you ate? This whole wheat tortilla concontion thingy I made with veggies and chicken - supposed to be good for ya, probably why the kids weren't too enthused about it (to their credit they did eat most of it)

Can you drive a stick shift? Yep, love it but not condusive to driving with children (need a spare hand bwhahahahahaha - um should clarify that this means I am usually having to take/give or remove something from my children's possession)

If you were a crayon, what color would you be? what does this question even mean? I say Indigo

Last person you spoke to on the phone? Nicolette who's trying to convince me I'm not crazy (see #1)

Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yep, we get along good

How old are you today? 38

Favourite drink? well it isn't the Pina Colada Slim Styles that's for sure. I'll go with Coffee right now. Alcohol wise I love cosmopolitans.

What is your favourite sport to watch? Hockey

Have you ever dyed your hair? Have I ever not is a better question

Pets one cat, one goldfish
Favourite foods? Lobster, Thai, Greek

What was the last movie you watched? Pirates of the Carribean II

Favorite day of the year? 1st day of school? LOL ok how about Christmas Eve, the excitement of Christmas is still there and this is the night we do our graze your way through an appetizer feast meal.

What was your favourite toy as a child? Baby Alive - she was so real (which is rather scary to me at this point) and my Easy Bake oven

What do you do to vent anger? Cry, usually snap at someone (usually Steve) and then feel bad

What is your favourite - fall or spring?Fall - I like the smell in the air and Christmas on the way or maybe it's Spring - the feeling of anticipation of a lot of summer days. Hmmm, I like them both.

Hugs or kisses? hugs

Cherries or blueberry? Yuck - neither

Do you want your friends to email you back ? I'd like it but won't hold my breath

Who is most likely to respond? anyone who's not working right now I guess

Pool or hot tub?
hot tub
Living arrangements? house with dh and kids

When was the last time you cried or teared >>up/emotional? This morning - I'm having issues right now (see posts below)

What is on the floor of your closet? unpacked boxes

Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to? Nic

What did you do last night? Ummm, made dinner, fed the baby, watched America's Got Talent (er yeah, don't go there!)

Favourite smells? my baby, cherry blossoms (edited to add: fresh laundry, coffee brewing and puppy breath)

What inspires you? others faith inspires me to be more faith filled and trust in God

What are you afraid of? something happening to my family, spiders

Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? cheese

Favourite dog breed(s)? Big hairy dogs - Bouviers, Newfies, Bernaise Mtn Dogs, etc. (ie my chew chew - waaahhh, for those of you who never met him Chewie (short for Chewbaca) is now over the Rainbow Bridge)

Number of keys on your key ring? no idea, a lot

Number of years at your current Job? well full time I guess just over a year. :-)

Favourite day of the week? Saturdays

How many provinces have you lived in? 2 (edited to add BC & Alberta, we were in Calgary just long enough to conceive and have #2 child and then get the heck home!)

Favourite Holidays? Christmas

Ever driven a motorcycle? Nope

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Fragile state

I'm in a weird space right now. I wish I knew why. I overthink things and overthink things and get myself all worked up. This week just seems to be my week to do this a lot. I tried to blame it on the car lady on Tuesday but in reality it just seems to be me. I've been talking to God a lot and I hope I get some answers or direction because I really do feel lost right now. How sad do I sound?

Poor little lost sheep. Like I have really anything to be upset about. It's rather like a bad case of pms but I can't even blame it on that.

I feel like I'm reaching out for people and being shut down. I guess maybe I'm reaching out to the wrong people. I just feel drawn to them, like I'm supposed to be in their lives for a reason. Maybe that's just my wanting that. Just like this age denial thing I guess. I was with people last night for a picnic. They are are great people, people that I enjoy, people with families like mine and yet I didn't feel like I fit there (I must point out that the other members of my family had a great time so this was all me baby). Part of me felt too young to be there. But maybe that's my problem, I'm not really so young anymore. My mind feels young and my body...well I'm not sure if my body has ever felt young but I am working on that too! LOL...It was just so "nice" and I'm not always so nice. I don't mean that in a bad way but here's the thing, well, nevermind I can't even explain that sentence. I just want to be with people who make me laugh, who make me want to do things and experience life and sometimes I guess I want to...I want to.... ugh I don't really know. Or I do know but I just can't express it here and now.

Perhaps it is a mid-life crisis.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

So it started off as a great day. My sweet baby, little girl and I all made the ooey, gooiest cupcakes. We love these cupcakes. The baby just watched of course and #2 child helped, which she really loves to do. #2 child was even more excited because we were going to be giving some of these cupcakes to her favourite man, Mike. Yeah, he's a bit old for her and has a girlfriend but that's ok because she likes the girlfriend too. So we made cupcakes for her favourite man, his girlfriend and her best friend, well because we really like all of them and they seem a bit cupcake addicted (and really we owe them - good babysitters are hard to find these days. And no I will NOT give you their number. They are way too busy as it is! LOL). After chasing down said cupcake recipients (well two of them at least), we were feeling quite proud of ourselves.

I realize that we don't have a ton of time left before having to pick #1 child up from school (he's in a a modified curriculum where they are on three months off for one so they are in school until Thursday) and the baby is sleeping so I don't really want to go home and wake him up. I figure I'll drive for a bit to figure out what to do. Simutaneously I realize that the sun has come out and is staying out and we are all overdressed (would be nice if the weather would make up its mind). OK so why don't we go to the Superstore where we can maybe get some deals on some shorts or something for #2 child, I can pick up some batteries and some miscellaneous other items. Great, we manage to get in the store, the baby is still sleeping but #2 child takes off in opposite direction from me (which is why I normally have her in the seat even though she really is getting to big for it). She is fast I'm telling you and I was getting more than a bit annoyed. She is desperately seeking a dress. That's all she wants, well that or anything with a princess on it. She doesn't want shorts, just a dress that she can wear to more than just Church. OK fine they are all on sale ($9.50 woohoo!) so why not. The problem is they are all way too big for her and she only wants a pink one. When we find the clothes her size I realize there are no dresses. Aha, there are pretty skirts, wouldn't #2 child like a pretty skirt ($6 so still a good deal) instead. No. Only a dress. We've had this problem for months really. #2 child loves dresses, loves them. Only it appears they aren't making dresses this year, just a lot of separates. Well, yes, there are fancy party dresses but I'm talking just nice simple little dresses, even a sundress for goodness sakes. So by now I realize that this isn't going to work and oh crap look at the time we have to go get #1 child right now. Meanwhile #2 child is very upset and starts with the whine. I hate the whine and really she should know that. So I say fine, not only aren't you getting a dress now you're not getting the pretty skirt either and out the door we go. By the time we manouver out of the parking lot and through Maple Ridge we are now late getting #1 child and he is unhappy. We are 7 minutes late and you'd think I was 7 hours by the way #1 child acted. "I waited and waited and waited and you never came - where were you?". OK, rightfully upset as normally his Mommy is always there waiting for him and he doesn't have to question that so I can see he was a bit worried but the drama of it all (I think he gets that from me but I will never admit that if you ask me to my face). His teacher was there as were some other kids so he wasn't all alone. However, I was feeling a bit stressed and frankly a bit guilty as I should have known I couldn't fit this all in the time alotted.

On to part three, I decide I'll head to Costco and dh can meet up with us there on his way home from work. I can't deal with Costco and three kids all by myself. I HAVE done it but I don't like to do it and if you are one of those mom's who can take more than two children anywhere and are still relaxed please don't write and tell me that. I'm sure you are a saint. I am not. So I confer with dh via cell and he thinks he can get there about 15 minutes after me so that is fine. Meanwhile I get in to a right hand turn lane but there is a car stopped there. I wait and can't seem to figure out what the problem is so I signal to go in to the left lane so I can go around but the car starts moving. Great. I stay in the lane and follow the car who turns on the next street and then slows down again and we slowly (oh so slowly) make our way to the next driveway where we are both turning (as I wanted to stop at the gas station). I figure this person is having car trouble or maybe is ill because she appears a bit older. Yes, she stops right at the entrance to the driveway. Fine, I pull up beside her to see if she needs help. Here is our conversation:
Me, being pleasant: "Are you ok?"
Her: "What's your problem?"
Me, still trying to be pleasant: "It looked like you were having some kind of trouble so I wanted to see if you were ok?"
Her: "It looked like you were the one with the problem"
Me, perplexed: "Nope, I just wanted to make sure you were ok."
Her: something I didn't understand as just then someone else honked at us because we were blocking the drive.

So, I drive to the gas station and am throwing away all the garbage in the car (I was trying to stall for time before meeting dh) and I'm just getting more and more mad. I mean what do you mean "What's your problem?"!!! I'm trying to be nice for crying out loud (and that's not the word I was thinking but this is a public space and I'm sure impressionable people might read it so that's what I'm using)!!! Here I am thinking I should help this poor lady and I guess I'm bad for being concerned that she was at an absolute standstill in the middle of a right hand turn lane with about 20 feet still to go before the turn. Then her car slows down again. She looks older, possibly frail (HA!), perhaps I should be a good citizen and make sure she isn't having a heart attack or something. So that's it. I drove home after that. I think it was just a sign that I was not meant to take my three kids to Costco because I am obviously not in the mood to handle anything today. I was in a good mood, I really was. What the heck is wrong with me? Sigh.

There's more but I won't bore you with the details. Sufficed to say, I think I need to go back to bed and wake up all over again. Maybe I should try climbing out the other side. Maybe the freaky weather lately has people all weirded out. Maybe I need a vacation. Maybe, just maybe, I need a mommy break. Or a stupid people break. Or both.