Fragile state
I'm in a weird space right now. I wish I knew why. I overthink things and overthink things and get myself all worked up. This week just seems to be my week to do this a lot. I tried to blame it on the car lady on Tuesday but in reality it just seems to be me. I've been talking to God a lot and I hope I get some answers or direction because I really do feel lost right now. How sad do I sound?Poor little lost sheep. Like I have really anything to be upset about. It's rather like a bad case of pms but I can't even blame it on that.
I feel like I'm reaching out for people and being shut down. I guess maybe I'm reaching out to the wrong people. I just feel drawn to them, like I'm supposed to be in their lives for a reason. Maybe that's just my wanting that. Just like this age denial thing I guess. I was with people last night for a picnic. They are are great people, people that I enjoy, people with families like mine and yet I didn't feel like I fit there (I must point out that the other members of my family had a great time so this was all me baby). Part of me felt too young to be there. But maybe that's my problem, I'm not really so young anymore. My mind feels young and my body...well I'm not sure if my body has ever felt young but I am working on that too! LOL...It was just so "nice" and I'm not always so nice. I don't mean that in a bad way but here's the thing, well, nevermind I can't even explain that sentence. I just want to be with people who make me laugh, who make me want to do things and experience life and sometimes I guess I want to...I want to.... ugh I don't really know. Or I do know but I just can't express it here and now.
Perhaps it is a mid-life crisis.
posted @ 11:12 PM
Comments: 2
