Sunday, July 20, 2008

Forgot One

I forgot the friend I married. And he truly is my best friend. I am a very lucky girl to have found such a wonderful man. After a lousy week dealing with inexcusable behaviour and complete jerks, my husband brought a smile to my face with these:

He doesn't bring me flowers for Valentine's Day, which I'm in complete agreement with, since they cost a small fortune at that time and I'd rather spend the money on other things. If he brings me flowers it is usually not at a specific time, but rather as a pick me up or just to say I love you. I don't get them a lot throughout the year (maybe twice, if that), but I'm good with that too. It makes it special to know he got them just because he was thinking about me at that moment rather than because society gave us a day that says he should give them to me.

These flowers are still looking pretty glorious on my mantel and they've helped me during a week where I was unsure of so many things in my life. Because I know there is one thing I don't need to be unsure of. Well, two really.

Sunday, July 13, 2008


There are many kinds of friends in our lives. Some close, some casual, some that even when you only see them once a year you connect immediately. There are also some who are your friend to your face, but not when your back is turned. Or who suddenly seem like they were maybe never really your friend to begin with.

It's hard to be a good friend. I know I certainly could use help in that direction. I don't have enough time in my life for all the people I care about and sometimes that means people get left out. However, I do try to let them all know what they mean to me, if only by email or facebook or a quick note. I know I should call, but I'm not so good on the phone these days. Always someone needing something the minute I get on and I seem to do much better when I can write out what I mean.

I try every day to be the best I can be and to bring that to any interactions I have. Some days I fall way short of the mark. I am a flawed individual. That doesn't change my heart. I would never purposely hurt anyone, least of all my friends, but inadvertently I fear I may do that sometimes. My brand of sarcasm, for example, is lost on some who think I am being hurtful. I use that same sarcasm on myself so it's not meant to be a weapon. If I have ever hurt you using this I apologise.

I started thinking today about the people I call friend. Even in the past month I have been thinking about it and I realise I have stopped trying so hard to be whatever it is that some people need me to be in order to be my friend. I'm not cool, I'm not always fashionable, my house isn't always clean, I swear on occassion, I am at times insecure and others completely confident. I am who I am, and a lot of it is a big bundle of a variety of different things. Some people love that and others don't. I need to stop trying to please those who don't. I'm 40, although I do try to change myself for the better there are parts of me that just are. As I said, I am flawed.

If I count you as a friend then I will be there for you no matter what, whenever you need me,if it is within my power to help you I will. In any event, I won't talk to you in my home or out at dinner, then not give you the time of day when I run into you elsewhere. Nor will I give out light invitations to do stuff with me or my family and then completely forget about them. If I say you'll have to come over for a vanilla vodka mojito, I mean it. It may take some schedule coordination, but I will do it.

Bottom line is I'm begining to learn the difference between friend and casual acquaintance. I'm beginning to learn that I don't have to try so hard because then it's really all one-sided. Friendship isn't always easy, but it shouldn't always take so much effort. Hopefully that makes sense.

Lastly, to my friends who read this blog. I do love you. And I do appreciate you. You bless me with the gift of your time and friendship. And I am thankful for each of you.