Friday, May 12, 2006

Life is Good Again

Well...not that life was really bad but if I think of the months leading up to Joshua's birth I have to say it wasn't so great. However, he's here and he's so wonderful. He's doing really well. Here's a new photo of him See how cute he is? You can't tell in this photo but his hair is coming in really blonde. He's actually asleep here but I think the sunlight coming through the skylight is making him squint anyway.

The other kids adore him and they really have been quite good about his upheaval to their lives. As long as they can hold him and kiss him (and as my daughter says - "pet" him) they are happy. As of this past Tuesday he weighs in at a whopping 8lbs 14oz so he has no problem with the eating.

So breastfeeding (you knew I was going to get there didn't you! LOL). I am a big advocate for breastfeeding, think it's the best thing you can do for your child, blah, blah, blah and I try not to judge when someone just automatically goes for formula without even trying to breastfeed (from here on out to be know as BF). I know that we all have reasons for doing what we do and mothers are the worst for judging each other so I really do try not to (I am human though so you know a tiny bit of judgement is there). The thing with bf'ng is that everyone has an opinion on it. Don't do it in public, if your breasts are too big you can't, if they are too small you can't, if you east spicy foods don't do it, and on it goes.

Well I don't like to do it in public (bf that is!) but I do because what are you going to do, I'm just not good at it. I get really tense and actually can start to sweat while I'm trying to hook the baby up to the machine (so to speak). I so envy those women who just stick their hand under their top, unhook their bra, pop the baby on the breast and it's all done - no muss, no fuss. How do they do that? Here I am trying to unhook discreetly, throw the receiving blanket over the shoulder lift the shirt up, attach the baby's head, hold the boob up (yeah, the big one that I'm not supposed to be able to feed with in the first place), latch the baby, keep the blanket covering all parts and by the time I've done that the baby has come unlatched (while I'm coming unglued) and we start all over again. The purchase of some nursing tops has helped tremendously with the discretion part of it but still I really do suck at it so I try to time things out around this fact. Or if I'm going somewhere I really think I won't be able to nurse I bring a bottle and give him frozen breast milk (and due to the fact that I also hate pumping sometimes I bring formula - gasp!!). I must say the third time around you think I'd have the hang of bf'ng in public but nope I'm not. Am I some demure thing? Nope. Am I embarrassed? Um, nope not really. I just honestly have no idea what my problem is. I feel partly uncoordinated, partly prudish because of the not so thin parts of me that will be exposed and mostly I really don't like people looking at me with that look. The look, the one where they (and in general this is older women but can be just about anyone) cluck their tongues and give you that look like you should not be doing this in public (or maybe at all). It is usually a generational thing and I get that but I don't feel that way. I honestly feel this is a natural thing that woman and their babies deserve to give to each other and the best thing for a baby at this time in his/her life to eat. So again, what's my problem? I hate it when people disapprove of me or to paraphrase Sally Fields I want people to "like me, really, really like me". At least I think that's it but what do I know I'm totally sleep deprived and all this bf'ng has me a bit low on blood sugar too.

Well I have to go bf the baby now, I'm in my own home and frankly have no problem with it here whatsoever. Next time we'll talk about baby slings (one of the things that I bought because it's supposed to be great to help you bf in public) and why it makes me feel like a contortionist. Oh right...but life is still good again...I'm not throwing up, I'm not in pain and I can roll over and get out of bed without having to flounder about like a beached whale. Yep, life is good.