Bare Essensuals was the name of my skincare salon. My slogan was BE Sensual, BE Down to Earth, BE Yourself.
Since this is a personal blog I'm starting to evolve this a bit. However, I still love the Bare Essensuals in life - love, laughter, friendship and good clean fun!
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Forgot One
I forgot the friend I married. And he truly is my best friend. I am a very lucky girl to have found such a wonderful man. After a lousy week dealing with inexcusable behaviour and complete jerks, my husband brought a smile to my face with these: He doesn't bring me flowers for Valentine's Day, which I'm in complete agreement with, since they cost a small fortune at that time and I'd rather spend the money on other things. If he brings me flowers it is usually not at a specific time, but rather as a pick me up or just to say I love you. I don't get them a lot throughout the year (maybe twice, if that), but I'm good with that too. It makes it special to know he got them just because he was thinking about me at that moment rather than because society gave us a day that says he should give them to me.
These flowers are still looking pretty glorious on my mantel and they've helped me during a week where I was unsure of so many things in my life. Because I know there is one thing I don't need to be unsure of. Well, two really.
There are many kinds of friends in our lives. Some close, some casual, some that even when you only see them once a year you connect immediately. There are also some who are your friend to your face, but not when your back is turned. Or who suddenly seem like they were maybe never really your friend to begin with.
It's hard to be a good friend. I know I certainly could use help in that direction. I don't have enough time in my life for all the people I care about and sometimes that means people get left out. However, I do try to let them all know what they mean to me, if only by email or facebook or a quick note. I know I should call, but I'm not so good on the phone these days. Always someone needing something the minute I get on and I seem to do much better when I can write out what I mean.
I try every day to be the best I can be and to bring that to any interactions I have. Some days I fall way short of the mark. I am a flawed individual. That doesn't change my heart. I would never purposely hurt anyone, least of all my friends, but inadvertently I fear I may do that sometimes. My brand of sarcasm, for example, is lost on some who think I am being hurtful. I use that same sarcasm on myself so it's not meant to be a weapon. If I have ever hurt you using this I apologise.
I started thinking today about the people I call friend. Even in the past month I have been thinking about it and I realise I have stopped trying so hard to be whatever it is that some people need me to be in order to be my friend. I'm not cool, I'm not always fashionable, my house isn't always clean, I swear on occassion, I am at times insecure and others completely confident. I am who I am, and a lot of it is a big bundle of a variety of different things. Some people love that and others don't. I need to stop trying to please those who don't. I'm 40, although I do try to change myself for the better there are parts of me that just are. As I said, I am flawed.
If I count you as a friend then I will be there for you no matter what, whenever you need me,if it is within my power to help you I will. In any event, I won't talk to you in my home or out at dinner, then not give you the time of day when I run into you elsewhere. Nor will I give out light invitations to do stuff with me or my family and then completely forget about them. If I say you'll have to come over for a vanilla vodka mojito, I mean it. It may take some schedule coordination, but I will do it.
Bottom line is I'm begining to learn the difference between friend and casual acquaintance. I'm beginning to learn that I don't have to try so hard because then it's really all one-sided. Friendship isn't always easy, but it shouldn't always take so much effort. Hopefully that makes sense.
Lastly, to my friends who read this blog. I do love you. And I do appreciate you. You bless me with the gift of your time and friendship. And I am thankful for each of you.
Most of you who know me know that "mellow" isn't a word often used to describe me. Or perhaps never would be more accurate.
Today my wonderful cousin called me and left me a voice mail with a clip from ONJ's "Have You Never Been Mellow" and told me that is the way I am supposed to start each day, or that it was my new ritual. It made me smile. A lot.
Growing up R and I were inseparable up at our cabin in Jasper and whenever our families got together, which was fairly often for a while. As far as cousins go we were pretty tight. We were the babies (well, I am the baby, but he was close enough - sorry R, just had to add that in) of the whole family and whatever we did, we did it together. Including almost crashing a golf cart at Galagher's Canyon. Might I add that my loving cousin jumped out of the cart HE was driving and left his baby cousin to fend for herself as the out-of-control cart zipped through the wet grass towards a tree. My short life passed before my eyes as I, too, bailed out of the cart. Sufficed to say I think I walked back to the clubhouse. I think R apologised once or maybe a hundred times, but I was still mad. I did forgive him shortly afterwards, he was hard to stay mad at.
Anyway, back in the day I loved Olivia Newton John. After I saw Grease, I loved her more. You may laugh and scoff, but let me tell you I wanted to be her when I grew up. To be so beautiful and talented. Sigh.
So here she is, singing "Have You never Been Mellow"... (the sync is off, but it's still cool)
R is hoping this form of therapy will help to lower my blood pressure. He might be right! :-D
The good news is I lost 5 pounds without even trying. The bad news is that it's likely because my body is fucked up.
Yep, I said a bad word. And I'm not going to take it back. I apologise to anyone who I may offend with it, but that's the only way to describe what's happening.
After a lovely morning laughing with a friend, I was feeling very tired. I've been very tired a lot lately, but you know we moved, I've not been sleeping well, we have a jam packed schedule, and we're just overall crazy. Still, I was feeling absolutely exhausted. So, after I put Josh down for his nap I lay down on the couch with Mckenna. Now that may not seem weird to some of you, but I am not a napper. I don't nap. Not really even when I was pregnant. I just have too much to do. But I did today, even though every five minutes Mckenna woke me up to "ask" me something, or tell me I was snoring. Ha. Whatever. I'm tired and stuffed up from allergies. What can I say?
Anyway, after I picked Aidan up from school I took my blood glucose reading. Oh yes, I've been doing that for about a week because I'm considered pre-diabetic and they wanted to monitor me. I'm eating the right things (mostly, yes, I do slip occassionaly), so I was thinking "piece of cake - they've got nothing on me". The first reading last week was 4.6 or something low. Excellent. But then over the past week it's been rising, until it hit 11.9 the other day. I started taking the test twice a day, one a fasting in the morning and one about 2-3 hours after lunch. Just wanting to make sure. The fasting ones were fairly high, but I was trying not to be worried. After all when I have them in the lab, I'm still borderline.
So I take the test after I pick up Aidan and it was higher than 11 again. 3 hours after lunch. It should less than 8 if you aren't diabetic, less than 10 if you are. Ahem. Add to that I felt like complete crap. My chest was tight and I felt very lightheaded. I called Steve to see where he was because I had an appointment at 4:30 for chiro and thought maybe I could zip in to the clinic and see someone first. Luckily he was in Maple Ridge and almost home (that never happens, normally he's stuck in traffic and running late) and thankfully there was no wait in the clinic.
The doctor was not a happy camper. My blood pressure was 180 over 120. Not good. Very bad. Maybe that's why I've been feeling like my body, head and eyes are going to explode lately. I am now on blood pressure medicine and medicine for diabetes control.
Here are some photos of my living room: (ignore the tv show in the background, that's probably not very grown up! LOL)
And our bedroom:This was day two here so we still had stuff everywhere, but I hurriedly made the bed (as you can see by that one sad looking pillow) to take a photo. Chocolate brown and Ice Blue. Those colours will eventually carry on through the ensuite too.
To me, this is my grown-up stuff. I've been living on my own since I was 17 and usually had hand me down furniture or very inexpensive stuff. The couches are the first that we have bought as a couple, and are more my style than anything I or we have ever had. We've gone back to a queen size bed for a number of reasons: it was cheaper than buying a new king (our old one was having issues and the mattress looked like a wave) and you can always find more linens for a queen. Plus, our kids are older (ok, my youngest is 2, but it's old enough) and we no longer want/need little ones in bed with us (a convenience for sure when I was nursing).
This weekend I get a new bookshelf (new to me, but very nice purchase from a friend). I've been using a bookshelf that my dh built me out of scrap. It is very utilitarian looking, but served it's purpose. Now I want something that looks nicer and goes with my stuff.
I have plenty of ideas for this place, but first we have the basement to finish so my oldest can have his own room. He's being a trooper about sleeping on the floor of his sister's room, but I know he is excited to have his own space.
I'm a Mom to three, a writer,a book reviewer, a soaper (someone who makes soap and body products), a wife, a friend, a woman. I care deeply, I hurt deeply, I am loyal and someday I'm "gonna land beside a lion
And run my fingers through his mane".
