Tuesday, January 30, 2007


First I'd like to thank everyone that contacted me on post or via email. I am much better today and I appreciate your thoughts. I don't stay mad for long, hurt maybe, angry no.

Anyway, some of the stuff that's going on with me lately involves having faith. Trusting that I am headed in the direction that I'm meant to or that things will work out and be ok. That's not easy for me. I tend to be controlling (I know, you all are shocked!) and I know that I need to not be. I'm trying. Faith is a big part of that.

There was a time when I stepped completely away from my faith and I almost didn't find my way back. There was a time when I saw much of my life in black. It is not that way anymore but I still struggle. I still worry, a lot. Not necessarily just about myself or my family, although that is certainly the biggest part, but others as well. I need to have more faith. I need to worry less. For a lot of reasons.

There are days when I struggle more (like yesterday) and those days I need to have more faith. I know it. Sometimes I'm just not sure how to go about it.

To that end I'm asking all you bloggers/lurkers a question, actually two:
1. What do you do to keep faith or when you feel like it's wavering?
2. Is there particular scripture that helps you with your faith?

If you'd like to share with me, especially the scripture, I would appreciate it as I journey on my way to become more faithfilled and more trusting.


Monday, January 29, 2007


Yes, I am. I will get over it but right now I'm annoyed. If you are someone's friend then be their friend, otherwise don't pretend you are. I'm just saying. OK, now I'm just ticked off.

What's worse is that when you work your butt off trying to be everything to everyone, you don't even get the advantage of having a skinnier butt.


Friday, January 26, 2007

15 Things I learned (or possibly re-learned) this week

  1. It's fun to go out with friends, with no kids around to distract you.
  2. Waiting for food and/or service, even with fun friends, sucks.
  3. When waiting for said food or service, I get easily distracted because I am so impatient that I can't concentrate on anything other than the fact that I am waiting and should not be.
  4. Good food rocks!
  5. Sometimes boys you thought were really nice, sweet boys have a side you didn't expect to see and it makes you laugh so hard you are almost crying.
  6. When you don't drink very often a couple of glasses of wine make you silly.
  7. Trying to let your baby cry it out for his nap in his crib because he's really tired doesn't work so well when he has soiled himself and you don't realise it.
  8. Our babysitter is amazing and we love her.
  9. I miss my husband when we don't spend alone time together even though we're in the same house at the same time.
  10. I used to be a workaholic and still have those tendencies when other things are more important.
  11. I've got good kids.
  12. When I get something stuck in my head it is really hard to get it out even when I know I need to move on.
  13. I love singing with my kids.
  14. I kind of sort of like bootcamp (sshhh, don't tell my body cause it still hurts).
  15. I have a good life and I'm very blessed.


Tuesday, January 23, 2007

5 Years ago today a princess was born

Time really flies. Five years ago I awoke thinking I had wet the bed (sorry to any men reading this but if you have kids you get it), since that's not something I do I realised my water had broken. Thankfully my dh was only just leaving - if he was gone it would be a while before he got back since at that time we were living in Calgary and he took the bus to work (we only had one vehicle). It was three weeks early but no surprise and we packed #1 off to daycare and headed to Peter Lougheed Hospital where my OB was just leaving and was surprised to see us. Five and a half hours later my princess arrived. It had been a long couple of years, we had lost a couple of babies and I've never been so thankful in my life as when I saw her. I never knew that I could love another being as much as I loved #1 but yet my heart opened that much wider and I did. You may hear the same story in March when #3 turns 1 so get used to it!LOL).

2002 (approx 9 months old with her big brother)

2003 (approx 19 months old)

2004 (28 months)

2005 - 3 1/2 yrs
2006 - 4 1/2 years
2007 - 5 years (at her very first birthday party, on the right in case you were confused LOL)


edited to add above photo of #2 in present Grandma sent today(appropriate I think!)


Friday, January 19, 2007

Let me out

I need a break.

I got a call on Tuesday from school telling me #1 had thrown up all over himself and his desk and could I come get him. Wonder what they would have done if I said "No thank you." Ha. OK, yes, I felt bad for him. Poor little guy. He came home and didn't move off the couch and if you know my #1 child you'll know that is unusual. I even got him to take a nap. A NAP!

On Wednesday I thought he was better but I kept him home anyway, just to be sure. Oy (no, I'm not Jewish but that two letter sound completely works in this situation). I get #2 to preschool and decide we must go grocery shopping (which we didn't do on Tuesday because #1 was sick) or there wouldn't be a lot of dinner options. In addition, I needed to get party goodies and organise #2's party for Sunday. I spent a lot of time at the store reminding #1 that Christmas was just here, it was #2's birthday and to stay with me. Thankfully #3 fell asleep so that was something. By the time I got out of the store my nerves were almost shot. And, oh look, preschool was almost over and it was already time to pick up #2.

On Thursday the plan was to send #1 to school, he had been perfectly fine all day Wednesday. That is until I heard that wonderful sound (at 5:30am no less) that means we need to get a bucket (sorry). Great, another day home with all three (believe me when I tell you that I adore my children but they are very high needs in different ways so school is a good thing). And Thursday is my nice pj day since #1 normally has choir on Thursday and #2 doesn't have preschool so I don't have to go anywhere until 3. It is a nice thing. On Thursday night dh is a youth leader so he's not home and #2 chose yesterday to cry at every small infraction and sometimes at nothing. #3 is also cranky, I'm not sure whether due to teething or something else.

By the time dh got home last night I was craving me time. I don't even know what me time is anymore. Is it bootcamp? Well, not really, because while I'm doing that for myself and my health it is not necessarily something I love to do. I was needing a "Calgon take me away" moment. Unfortunately, while we have three bathrooms in the house only one of them has a bathtub and since #1 had just had a bath before bed it was full of toys. It defeats the purpose if you have to clean it before getting in.

So, I'm still waiting for my Calgon moment. I suspect I won't get it for a while. As usual we are very busy and dh has been working very hard the last few weeks and is very busy at work. I'm thinking a trip to a spa is in order very soon. Luckily my dh is also wonderful that way and I know he'll want to buy me that for Valentine's Day (once I suggest it to him! LOL).


Tuesday, January 16, 2007


The news, that most of you know about by now (and should become common knowledge by today or tomorrow), that I heard on Sunday has left a lingering sadness in my heart. I know there are reasons for the decisions that have been made. I have talked to the people making the decisions and I know they are at peace. I am still sad. As much as I have joked about things always being done a precise way, I was used to that and I had become good with that.

To be welcomed when you first join a community is a good thing, and this person welcomed us with open arms. Was the first person to do so, and the reason, at first, we kept going back. To bring my dh into a world that he was stepping into tentatively was hard for me and for him, especially where we were in our marriage at that time. This person prayed for us, talked with me, helped us both through a pretty rough time even though he had only just met us.

Things change, life goes on and several years later, with small groups, children the same age, various admin tasks I do for church, handyman stuff dh does for the nursery, many other things and our lives often intersect. We consider them friends. To not have that presence there will change the face of our church, will change the way it operates. Change is not necessarily bad and only time will tell.

God will lead the way and I have also accepted that. That does not make me any less sad. I am an emotional person, have pretty much always been one but this last 18 months even more so (probably due to #3 but that's ok he's worth it). I'm not good at hiding the way I feel about things and perhaps even say the wrong thing at the wrong time, although I am trying to be better at this. I don't mean to. I just feel stuff very strongly. For those of you who aren't emotional, you might not understand.

I am emotional yet oddly practical. Life goes on. The changes in my own life in just a three year span are absolutely mind-boggling.

So now that I'm rambling I will end with this. I know this change will do some good for all involved but my heart still hurts and I think that's ok.


Friday, January 12, 2007

Driving in the Snow

I actually like snow, especially white, pretty snow like we have just received (again - sheesh, is this Vancouver??). Unfortunately, most people here don't know how to drive in snow and they are absolutely nutso. Nutso I tell you.

I had to go out on Wednesday morning as I had an appointment that could not be missed, so I bundled up #2 and 3 (#1 was safely esconced at school) and off we went. I gave myself plenty of time to allow for the weather (which at that point was snowing steadily). Apparently other people did not. We first slow down and then stop behind a police car and I can see a tow truck with lights flashing but no accident or anything else. All of a sudden I realise there is a car being pulled up from a ditch. Nice. I sit and wait patiently (oddly enough not one of my strong suits). Cars behind me are manouvering to turn around and go another way.

Finally we move on and start rolling. A four by four blows by me, passing without a lot of time to spare with oncoming traffic and practical white-out conditions. Yes, I held my breath. I thankfully made it to my destination safe and sound.

On the return trip I ended up behind one of those road scraper dudes and another truck laying dirt down. It was slow going. Very slow going. Once again, I was patient (geez where is this patience when my daughter is driving me batty? LOL). They turned up a side road and I continued on. Once again a four wheel drive passes me (I am not driving slow, I think I am actually doing the posted limit, which is good considering the conditions). I shake my head. What an idiot. Shortly afterwards we are behind Brookfield Farm and what do I see but a 4 wheel drive stuck nose down in the property. FarmMom, if you are reading this - did you guys see that truck or was it pulled out before you got back there?

Then I saw someone swerving around the corner by the dykes and barely make it without ending up in the same ditch that the car was dragged out of earlier and as he goes by me he's smoking! Yeah, cause it's always good to drive that fast around that corner with only one hand on the wheel in these conditions. Wonder why he didn't have control of his vehicle? Hmmm.

Moral of the story - just because you have a 4-wheel drive does not mean you can drive like a maniac in crappy conditions and survive. You are putting yourself and others at risk. Sheesh, use some brains. 4-wheel drive is not some magic conditions that puts a wall of safety around you. And lastly, use two hands and slow down.

OK, I feel better now. Rant over.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007


Yep, I did it. I joined a fitness bootcamp. Last night was the first night and it was wet and cold. Did I think about not going because it was raining and I had friends coming over for dinner at 7:30 when bootcamp started at 6? Yes. How many times did I think I wouldn't go? A lot.

All through prepping dinner, so I could just pop it in when I got home and take a shower, I thought how much easier it would be if I just stayed home. I had so much to do. It was pouring rain. It would be super tight to get it organised before our friends arrived. Lots of reasons.

Did I go? Yes, I did. I think I went because I'm finally doing this for me. As much as I didn't want to go I did want to go because I want results this year. Because I want to get fit. Because I want energy to keep up with my kids, because I want to feel good.

Was it hard? Yeah, it pretty much kicked my butt. I was wetter than I've ever been with clothes on. I could wring out my mittens. I did ok at the strength training but the cardio just about killed me. We did sprinting, short and long. We did weights and push ups (hah - not going to happen my friend!). We did squats and some kind of iron seat thing against a wall and squeezing in your legs and let me tell you how that burned. We ran laps. Well I say "we" but technically I jogged a 1/4 lap and speed walked the rest.

I was happy to know that I wasn't last. It wasn't a competition by any means but you know there is the front of the group and the middle and the back. I was in the back but I wasn't at the end. Small victories I guess. We did step-ups, more strength training against the wall, lunges, and all sorts of things that were supposed to be stretches that felt more like torture. I'm not very good at stretching. We did a lot of stuff that I can't remember.

I left 15 minutes early (the class ends at 7:15) so I could come back to finish the dinner. I came home soaked the bone but felt great. I felt great!! Even after my shower I was still cold but wed had guests for dinner so there was no time to think about it. Which was probably good. Good wine, good food, good conversation probably helped to distract me from the pain I was only just starting to feel. It was a great night.

This morning, I'm not sure anything can distract me. I hurt in places I didn't know I had. Just standing up from sitting, ouch. Going up our stairs, which are quite steep imo, brutal. My back shoulder blades ache. THe only thing that doesn't hurt is my stomach and I think that's only because I didn't do the crunches right.

Next bootcamp is tomorrow. I hope that I can recover to get back there.


Tuesday, January 02, 2007

2006 Where did you go?

2006 seemed to come and go in the blink of an eye. There was so much crammed in to last year that I'm sure I won't remember it all and most of it was very, very good.

I started off the year being very pregnant and sick. Spending 5 days in the hospital with premature labour at 28 weeks was not my idea of fun. Nothing was fun at that point, although I did try.

This all came to a head in March when #3 was brought into this world and was so beautiful and perfect. He became, and is, my little peanut. A little guy who brought us so much more than we could have thought possible (as all children do). One of the things that he brought us was a friendship that was really kicked off in our hospital room and has now grown to include her as a regular part of our family life. I'm now wondering if a long, holiday weekend would be complete without a visit from her and her cupcake man.

Another friend of ours blessed us by coming to take care of dh, #1 and #2 while #3 and I were in the hospital and showed us what a giving heart truly is all about. She visited us again at Christmas and we were very thankful to have her here.

We came home. When I say that I mean back to this town which means so much to us. The year of commuting at least 40 minutes each way to Church every Sunday and feeling so isolated showed us where we belong. So, we came home. It was the best decision ever and it brought even more friends into our life.

#1 took his first ever unaccompanied plane trip to visit MIL in Kelowna. He did a great job, it was me who was left sobbing in the terminal at YVR. He was gone four nights and apparently it was one too many as on the last night he begged me to come get him. He thought I could just get the plane to take him then and didn't understand about the scheduling. He did very well though up until that time and 1/2 hour later apparently he was fine. It was heartbreaking for me to have him crying for me on the phone. #1 is normally a very independent boy. It's good to know he still needs his mom.

We discovered the joy of babysitters. Having gone almost 7 years without any real or regular babysitting this was an amazing thing for us. Originally needing it while we attended Alpha we have now decided that a regular date night is in order and have kept it up. Our babysitters rock and we are very thankful for them.

The joy of a local blogging community was discovered when a friend found my blog and then through hers I found others and vice versa. I have made new friends locally that I have grown to admire and respect and, hopefully, in 2007 can spend more time getting to know.

Dh and I attended Alpha and grew closer in the Lord and each other. He is now wanting to be baptised and when I mentioned that I would like to pray over Christmas Dinner he was all for it. He would never have not allowed it but what I mean is that he fully participated and was glad in it. He loves our Church and has even brought one of his friends into it. Through that he hopes that his friend's entire family will start participating.

Both dh and I started working in several ministries and one of them is with youth. He leads the Grades 5-7 and I the high school students. We both love it. Did I mention we love our Church and feel we were called back to this town so we could give more to it? We don't have the financial means to give but we gift our time as much as we can.

We threw a Christmas Eve party at the last minute and had a great time with all who showed up and, despite my worries, there was enough food for all.

We spent the New Year's long weekend at family camp at a local ranch where we made new friends, saw some familiar faces and basically had a good time.

Whew - 2006 was a busy year and the above are only highlights. In a family of five there is so much going on at all times that sometimes it is hard to keep up.

We are very blessed to have the people we have in our life. We hope we show you all how much you mean to us. All of you have touched our lives in some way and we are forever grateful for all that we have learned from each and everyone one of you. Blessing of love and joy to all for 2007.