I can't sleep
Well here I sit in silence that almost never surround me in this house. It's almost eerie I must say without the sound of the kids running, chattering or doing whatever it is they do that makes all that noise. However, the fish is noisy. Weird, I know but our goldfish is some gigantic thing (and still growing, soon we will need a new tank, I'm starting to think we have a koi instead of a regular goldfish) that picks up rocks in his tank and drops them. Dh tells me its searching for food but honestly who knew goldfish could be that loud?! Seriously, when there are no other sounds those rocks dropping sound a bit freaky.I've got just over a week until I take a 24 hour sabbatical from my family and head to Harrison with my best friend. This will be our third year doing this, or maybe our fourth, I don't remember I just know that it's good for us. She has three kids too, all boys. We've been friends for 25 years. When we do these things we take our old music and totally regress and giggle and joke around and just have a great time. I'm making a CD mix for our trip there and I'm trying to find all the old songs we would sing to. That's our thing - we will sing and sing and sing. When we were younger we would tape ourselves on her Dad's reel to reel tape machine (yeah, it was outdated even then but that's what he had and that's what we used cause we thought we were cool). We harmonize quite well together because I can sing high and she can sing low. Singing relaxes us. So will the massages and the cosmopolitans that I'm sure we will have.
Speaking of singing, I was on worship again tonight. I love that so much. Normally I am just filled with the power of God when I sing. I feel so much joy that I can't stop moving. Tonight I was having issues. My problem (as I've said before) is that I totally overthink things and then start stressing out. The more stressed I get the tighter my voice gets and then I just get cranky. I take what should be a joy filled occassion and muck it up. I never used to be like this. I was always confident but then I sang regularly. I have been singing since I was in Kindergarten, in musicals and jazz choirs, etc. Like any instrument you have to use it or lose it (and I don't think singing in the car really counts!). Plus when you aren't feeling sure of yourself you can hear it in your voice, you go flat or sharp or whatever. Not a good thing. As my friend H would say, "it was a gong show".
So here I am at 12:18 with all this stuff just zipping around in my brain and wishing I could have a "do over". Ah well, I think even the fish has gone to sleep and if I don't try to then I will pay for it in the morning when the baby wakes up to nurse. Oh yea, I am a party animal!
posted @ 11:58 PM
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