To Be or Not To Be
I'm trying to decide whether or not to delete this blog. Lots of reasons, none of which I really care to get in to.However, I've had a few people ask me if maybe they could be added, so I guess there are still people wandering by. That's nice and I appreciate it a lot. Now, if I could only think of something witty and fabulous to say.
See that's the problem, I'm not so witty and fabulous lately. I'm mostly just tired and cranky and trying to make all happy and funny. Because I am so blessed by so much and I know I should be grateful. And I am. But I'm really, really tired and sometimes I'm lonely. Silly, I know. To be surrounded by people, yet still lonely.
For 25+ years I had a good girl friend that I talked to daily, laughed over nonsensical stuff, could say nothing to and still get it, etc. and now we are just in different places in our lives and it doesn't work as well any more. I'm ok with that, to everything there is a season, but I miss it. Yes, my dh is my best friend and I can and do tell him everything, but it's just different with another woman. Those fit of giggles that you get and can't really explain and guys just look at you like you're nuts. I miss that. I miss wandering around and shopping, even though I'm not really a shopper (I'm more the get in and get out type of person), every once in a while I like to wander around and look at stuff with a friend and make funny comments. I went on a trip with a couple of friends a while back and it was like that and I realised how much I miss it.
On a daily basis it is me and my kids and then my dh in the evening. He works hard all day, I work in between carpooling the kids everywhere, we have the various kids activities and church activities and every once in a while we try to squeeze our friends in there. Because our friends are so important to us and we care about them a lot. It's important for us to have social time. Just adult time. It's important as couples and as individuals. And I need some one on one girl time to laugh and gigle and talk and not talk and you know...
So there you go, this is why I haven't been posting, because it sounds like one big whine. And my life deserves more than that and I know the people in it do. But when I write I want to say how I feel. And this is how I feel. And because I'm an emotional person that's what comes out. It's very odd to be both logical and emotional. My head tells me to suck it up and my heart just keeps feeling. What's up with that?
posted @ 9:39 AM
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